Goldfish Crackers Have a New Name (for a Little While)

Goldfish crackers have officially been renamed "Chilean Sea Bass" crackers. Is this some kind of warped joke? A perverted Halloween snack scam? How very dare they! Do not fret—it’s just for a week.

The seven-day rebrand was chosen as an “adult-sounding” name, according to their website, but the contents of the package remain the same—baked Cheddar-containing fish-shaped bites. Goldfish are for kids. Chilean Sea Bass are for adults. They are one. (Sorry to get all The Substance on you.)

This name swap began on Wednesday and continues through Oct. 30. They’re not so easy to get your hands on, however. You won’t be able to find them in your local grocery store; if you're compelled to get them for the sophisticated name alone (and literally nothing else) you have to order them from the Goldfish Smiles website, priced at $7.38 for a two pack. Keep in mind, they might sell out on a daily basis. You'll have to sign on at 9a.m. Eastern Time to order while supplies last for the day. (Again, why though?)

As an adult who can choose from many crackers in the grocery store, I wish they went the extra mile and actually flavored them like Chilean sea bass. This is probably why I’m not in the marketing business. (That said, Calbee shrimp chips are freakin’ delicious, so why not take a risk?) If you too seek a flavor with a bit more pizzazz, the other popular flavors of Goldfish, like pizza, pretzel, Frank’s Red Hot, and parmesan might appeal to your refined adult palate. Those have the same old name, but at least they’re easier to find on the grocery store shelf.